So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
