the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
