I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
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