Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
