Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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