apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
