my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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