you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
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