They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Randomize
