did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
My dick has a subreddit
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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