On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Randomize
