Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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