When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
im holly from the hills drunk
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Randomize
