This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
But i did once see a show where a women was homeless and installed a stove in a school bus so she and her baby could live there since all the seats were taken out. As far as being homeless goes it didn't look half bad...So this is me promising to you that if i ever am living in an abandoned school bus...i will at least pimp it out with a stove so you can come over for dinner sometimes
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Randomize
