he wants to bone in the snuggie
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Randomize
