So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Randomize
