I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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