these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
Just invented taco cereal.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
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