What did we do last night that was yellow?
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
