I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
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