You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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