I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
