Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
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