I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Randomize
