there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
