Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
