Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
