went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Come back. Shots need mouths.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Randomize
