I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
