You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
Randomize
