and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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