It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
