Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Randomize
