if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
