i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Randomize
