He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
