question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
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