oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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