Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Randomize
