the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
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