Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Randomize
