Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
