I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
