is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
