Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
It's official drugs can't kill me
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
It was like giving head to a cactus.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Randomize
