He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
