Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
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