Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize
