the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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