I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
Church boner. Awkwardddd
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
